Earlier this week Nintendo invited Playboy Playmates Amelia Talon and Pamela Horton to play the upcoming third-person shooter game, Splatoon. Five months ago Nintendo teamed up with Playmate Pamela Horton for a nude Bayonetta Playboy spread. We can sit around and wonder why Nintendo keeps teaming up with the Playboy Playmates, or we can embrace this new partnership with wild speculation. So let’s take a look at three more potential projects for the pair. Note: Many images nudge the NSFW line.
1.) Playboy Calendar with Nude Nintendo Ladies
The major problem with the nude Bayonetta Playboy spread was mainly how tame it was. Bayonetta is an incredibly sexual character, and the Playboy spread failed to capture devious sexuality of the character and game. To avoid a similar problem, let’s take all of the popular – clothed – female Nintendo characters and take their clothes off! After all, who hasn’t wanted to see what’s underneath Princess Peach’s pink dress?
Of course finding twelve whole Nintendo female characters for a calendar could be challenging. Looking at the latest Super Smash Bros. character roster, there are only eight female characters out of a roster of roughly forty total characters. To make it the entire twelve months, Nintendo might have to pull lesser known characters from its popular properties like it did for the recent Hyrule Warriors game. Ideally Nintendo would realize how lackluster its ladies are and create twelve new characters on the spot, but one dream at a time.
2.) Nintendo Gender-Bent Cosplay Competition with Playmates
Since male characters outnumber female characters, let’s see the Playboy Playmates show off the feminine side of popular male Nintendo characters? Fans of The Legend of Zelda series have recently been asking “Why Can’t Link Be a Girl?” so the Playmates could finally give fans the Link they long to see. Here’s a good starting point for inspiration:
There’s no reason to stop with Link. Mario, Luigi, Starfox, Captain Falcon, Wario should be fair game to the Playmates. Let’s leave it up to Nintendo and Hugh Hefner to decide how the judging would happen, I don’t want to do all their work for them.
3.) Let Mario play 20Q in Playboy
Not every possible combination of Playboy and Nintendo has to be sexual in nature. Some people read Playboy for the articles. In particular the Playboy Interview (a really long interview between two famous people) has become an important feature in each magazine. Mario might not be loquacious enough for the Playboy Interview, but even the little plumber could manage to answer 20 questions for the 20Q section.
We could learn about Mario’s life outside of “work” and get insider info on his relationship with Peach, how he manages to stay chubby despite years of acrobatics, and why he always wears the same outfit. Seriously though, he’s been wearing those overalls for decades. DENIM WENT OUT OF STYLE MARIO.
Or you know, Nintendo and the Playboy Mansion could just call it quits and stop trying to titillate players with sex to interest them in new games. The”hardcore” male demographic isn’t one that Nintendo typically caters towards. It’s painful to see the company go straight for the sex when attempting to sell games outside the typical adventure, platforming, family-friendly genre Nintendo is known for.