Casting 'Friends' in Hogwarts Houses….because Netflix

January 5, 2015 Articles, TV and Movies Comments (4) 7

Starting January 1st, myself and thousands of other Netflix users began binge-watching the classic 90’s sit-com Friends. It’s been fun re-living the wacky antics of Joey, Phoebe, Ross, Rachel, Monica, and Chandler. I’ve never seen all the episodes in order before, and I actually get all the sexual innuendos this time around.

Friends2Still, I didn’t really know what fandom was or how to really engage in a show back in those Friends days. Since I do now, I immediately wanted to sort the cast into Hogwarts houses; since fandom is obviously about mashing properties together to make them stronger.

Once this decision was made, there were a few choices that stood out immediately. The first of which is obviously Phoebe Buffay in….HUFFLEPUFF! 

KudrowHufflepuff

But more than a house full of patient, hard-working, loyal people – Hufflepuff is a house that will take the leftovers of the other three. Phoebe would never be in Slytherin, where people would make fun of her for being a muggle orphan, nor would she be in Ravenclaw where they seek knowledge. She could be brave in Gryffindor, but Phoebe doesn’t necessarily like to show off and she’s very even tempered.

Yet like all Hufflepuffs we’re introduced to, Phoebe is kind and stands up for what is right and always tries to do good for others. In one episode she ends up giving away over $1000 to a homeless woman because Phoebe earned it in error. Yet she’s also like her favorite song, “Smelly Cat”, a weird rejected thing that’s hard to love. Ergo, Hufflepuff.

Now, another easy pick is this: Ross Geller in….RAVENCLAW!

RossRavenclaw

Ross Gellar basically studies fossils and old stuff. Yet to get to his level of expertise (he has a doctorate from Columbia University) you’ve got to like like learning. Seriously though, I only made my way through a Masters degree and that was a special kind of hell, and a doctorate adds at least four years more of schooling. Ross is an academic BAMF.

In case that argument isn’t convincing enough, he also made a comics called “Scientist Boy” as a child. LIVELONG DEVOTION TO SCIENCE RIGHT THERE.  Plus, you know he’s a Ravenclaw since he takes so much pleasure explaining things/correcting people.

While siblings don’t always get sorted into the same house, in the case of Monica Geller…..RAVENCLAW!

MonicaRavenclaw

We see several times in the Harry Potter series that a person’s desires do influence the sorting. Since Ross was always the apple of his parents’s eyes, Monica would most likely want to be placed in Ravenclaw to demonstrate that she’s living up to her brother’s legacy.

Along with a personal drive to be sorted into Ravenclaw,  Monica also demonstrates her thirst for knowledge through her profession as a chef. She basically conducts experiments on food on a daily basis, and tests the results on her innocent friends. She might just be the evilest scientist yet!

Next up, it-girl Rachel Green, the woman who inspired thousands of decadetastic haircuts. She was one of the hardest to place, but ultimately she goes in…..SLYTHERIN. 

RachelSlytherinNow, I’m not calling Rachel Green evil. So get that our of your head. What I am saying, is that Rachel is a smart – cunning – woman from a well-bred family, who hasn’t always been above using people to achieve success.

However, over the series, like Regulus Black,  she changes for the better. Rachel uses her innate Slytherin qualities in positive ways working her way up the corporate ladder, becoming a good mommy, and learning to be a her own person apart from her family’s desires. Finally someone gives a good name to the Slytherin house.

Let’s be honest, it’s quite possible that Joey might fail out of Hogwarts. But to fail out, Joey would first have to be admitted so let’s put him in….GRYFFINDOR!

JoeyGryffindor

Joey is not the brightest bulb in the box, but that’s okay because Gryffindor’s value bravery and nerve, which often come off as peacocking and recklesses. Joey has both of these qualities in droves. He’s very secure in his looks and powers over women (“How you doin’?”) and he’s not afraid to show off his wealth when he briefly moves into his own apartment.

He’s also insanely devoted to his friends which he shows in adorable ways. Whether it’s breaking up with Ursula to save his friendship with Phoebe, or giving Chandler a ridiculous gold bracelet – he’ll always be there for you, his friends. This lion-hearted devotion alone confirms his admittance to Gryffindor.

It was really hard not putting Joey and Chandler in the same houses, but in the end we had to give him….RAVENCLAW!

ChandlerRavenclaw

 

At heart, Chandler is a smart, witty, conforming coward. Yet that sarcastic charm which defines his character relies upon a quick-thinking brain. Chandler has a line for everything and is smart enough to pick the right moments for them.

He’s also a numbers whiz, ingesting WENUS (Weekly Estimated Net Usage Statistics) and ANUS (Annual Net Usage Statistics) like a heavy-weight number cruncher. Though Chandler doesn’t desire knowledge per se, there’s no doubt that he’s full of it, making him the third in a series of Ravenclaws.

Now, with everyone sorted, let the arguing commence!

4 Responses to :
Casting 'Friends' in Hogwarts Houses….because Netflix

  1. Skitten says:

    Well, I’m the Rachael of my friend group & a Slytherin, so that makes sense.

  2. Sofia says:

    Ok so I had a dream I was in a quidditch world cup (the first to ever pass on the tv!!!!!!!!!!!!) and huffle vs sly was happening at the very final and I was having a hard attack because I’m a puffy and they were winning…. and because Phoebe Buffay was there too, screaming from the top of her lungs for her house 😛

    So anyway, I caught myself thinking where would the internet place them and found this and I freaking LOVEDDDDDDDDDDD… except from a small tiny little thing…

    Phoebe is the essence of Hufflepuff for the reasons you said too maybe, but not those above all:

    First, the main value of HufflePuff is loyalty. Hufflepuffs put friendship above all; they are the friendly, loyal, harworking and caring house 🙂 and that’s why (I believe) Helga would choose ‘the rest’ that wouldn’t be chosen anywhere else, because she IS all of those things and believed everyone needed a chance, even when they don’t fit, and that they can achieve anything with hardwork. But in the end hufflepuff is NOT only the place for the sweet people that don’t have anywhere else to go… What I mean is, Phoebe isn’t on hufflepuff because she is a poor sweet outcast, is because in one of the first episodes ever she said that friends were the most important thing for her, and that loyalty meaned everything. She belongs there because she said bfs and gfs comes and goes, but friends are forever. She belongs there because she was the only one of the bunch that backed off of the lottery fight, when she saw it was ruining their friendship… Phoebe is a Hufflepuff because she holds everything that is important and valuable of the house, and sure, because she also wouldn’t not stand her hand for an outcast and someone that needs help, a place to stay etc… but in the end she wouldn’t be an outcast in Hogwarts, she would have her perfect spot in the house that was MADE for her.

    I think you know what I mean right? .__. I’m sorry, I got a little carried away. I’m just too passionate about my house and Phoebe LOL

    Ross was spot on (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) nothing else to say <3

    Rachel, even though it seems hard for a second, I think everyone agrees that she is a slythering (in the best freaking way possible <3)

    Chandler is HARDDDDDDD, and I would think he would either go to huffle (and here BECAUSE of the reasons you said for phoebs), or raven, yeah… in the end, I don't know. I think ravenclaw is amazing for him, but I also think hufflepuff is the best place for him… I really don't know, because there's too much of these two in him… but maybe he is destined to be Ross's roomate so.. <3

    Joey is a perfect hufflepuff in many many many MANY ways too, but in the end yup, TOTALLY a grynffindor, we can't freaking deny that <333333333333333

    Now, Monica… I thought about her as a Gryffindor in the first place because of how competitive she is.. but I thought better and dangit… I think she would either be in Slythering or Ravenclaw.
    Slythering is ambitious and cunning. Values leadership, resourcefulness and greatness… and she also have a 'thirst to proove herself' like NO ONE ELSE. THAT'S Monica really.
    I also think about Monica and Ross's parents being in Slythering (they so are, c'mon xD) and wanting them to be in it REAAAALLY BAD too, but Ross going to Ravenclaw and them being OH SO VERY PROUD the same way… and Monica finally going to slythering like they always wanted and…. meh, not a big deal, Ross is in Ravenclaw, the house of the smarties… LOL, you know? Imagine her reactionnnn!!!!!!!!!!! x'D
    But the reasons you said I thought were really really good too. But in the eeeeend I still think she would be a roomie with rachel in slythering <3

    Holy, I wasn't expecting to write so much. I'm sorry again lol!!!!! I think I like friends and harry potter more than whats consider healthy :PPPP Just needed to participate on that. It's a lovely post °^^°

    Lots and lots of love <33333333333
    (and forgive the english. Not my language :/)

  3. Ranty says:

    Monica is super Slytherin. Like… SUPER Slytherin. Phoebe I also immediately thought “Hufflepuff” but yeah, Ravenclaw works too. She’s basically the Luna Lovegood of “Freinds”. And ah, I love how you made the only Gryffindor be an idiot with a heart of gold. But then again Joey would also make a great Hufflepuff. Great choices for Chandler and Rachel though. Chandler is Ravenclaw to the bone and Rachel is not as Slytherin as Monica but it’s still definitely her house 🙂

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